Sir Petey & his Fly-By-Night Four are hard pressed in their first adventure!

Will Casper Belliboi & the forces of evil succeed in purloining the Golden Eye of Chaka-Laka-Boom-Boom?
Will the F-B-N Four come through in the clutch to return the Jewel to its' rightful home?

Scene 1: The Office

The day began quiet enough -- as I dragged my poor booze-bruised frame into the office for another day of boredom and cheezy jobs, Stella Ft. Worth, that combination saint and hussy who acts as my girl friday handed me a message left under the door.  Through my bourbon-misted lids I could make out a few scrawled heiroglyphs and the words
"see you at 10" and a name that caused my blood to freeze.

The knock on the office door had a sinister drone to it and when the rotund visage of Casper Belliboi and his oily sidekick, Joel Memphis appeared in the doorway I knew there was trouble ahead. Ever since our first meeting in Tashkent, eons ago it seems now, there was a natural distrust between the "Fat Man" and me. That he was accompanied by the foul little monstrosity, Memphis, only made my trigger finger more itchy.

I have no way of knowing how Belliboi had learned of my recent acquisition of a tidy sum of cash and the first decent paying job in months. Or more importantly, how he knew that I had been hired to return the famous "Eye of Fire" - a ruby the size of a goose egg - to the Temple of Chaka-Laka-Boom-Boom in the wilds of Kampuchea.

Getting out of town without alerting my bookie and several other large, well-muscled creditors was going to be tough enough. Now that the "Fat Man" and his crowd were in the know, life was rapidly turning very unhealty. My only chance was to take to my heels fast, grab the first steamer out of port, and hope Stella had been able to drag my cronies from whatever gin mill they had been emptying.

 

Scene 2: The Alley
 

While I was busy dodging bullets, fists, and blubber and doing my best to get out of the office without losing any essential portions of my anatomy, my ever-loyal (?) foursome that the local authorities have dubbed the "Fly-by-Night Four" were stumbling their way to my aid.

Gathering in the alley behind my office, they had gotten themselves into a bit of a scuffle with some of Belliboi's lesser lights. Always out for a bit of fun, Doc Patella, Brains Sinapse, and Fisty Cuphs were enjoying themselves by dodging bullets, fists, insults, and the odd baseball bat with 4 gunzels hired by Memphis to put a crimp in our plans.

Except for scaring the pants off the odd passing citizen, not a heck of a lot was being done in the way of serious damage to either my lot or the bad guys. (I definitely gotta take my hooligans for some shootin' practice!) If it hadn't been for the timely arrival of Sergeant O'Malley, one of the finest Frisco cops money can influence, things might have gotten out of hand to the point where somebody might have actually gotten hurt. As it was, no sooner had O'Malley arrived on the scene than a passing squad in the pocket of Belliboi showed up and both sides decided to call it quits.
 

Scene 3: The Ship
 

Having somehow escaped from the clutches of Belliboi and his crowd, the forces of good (?) found themselves aboard the SS. Bilgepump, one of the nastier excuses for passage to the pleasures of the Far East known on either side of the Pacific. Even the rats knew better than booking passage on this barge.

Naturally, life could never be easy and who else but our old friend Casper and his thugs should show up on the manifest just down the corridor from our hapless heros. Once the pleasantries were out of the way - the captain of this tub was too soused to show up for dinner at the head table - things got down to business.

Squaring off on opposite sides of the ship (the rest of the passengers were too busy guzzling gin and had more sense than to show their faces on deck!), we began pumping lead into the deck, cabin walls, and an unfortunate sea bird or two. Thanks to the pristine condition of our little skiff, one of Belliboi's minions got conked on the noggin with some assorted bits of falling bric-a-brac and found himself swinning with the squid. Thankfully, Doc was being his normal handy self and keeping us in an upright position whenever we stopped a piece of flying lead.

Somewhere along the way, Stella dived into a darkened cabin to escape a fusilade of bullets from the other side and she ran into the noted archeologist, Dr. Futonga Umgooloo who was on his way to do some digging in the interior of Kampuchea. Being the friendly sort that she is, she invited the good doctor to join our merry little band. Little did we realize just how fortuitous this meeting would be.

 

Scene 4: The Docks

Our rust bucket finally coughed its' way into the noisy port city of Kampot and we changed into our jungle duds. Jumping off the gangway we were accosted by the Port Master, General Newsançe, and his shadow, Major Pané -- a couple of the French Army's lesser lights that were stashed out of harms' way in the backwaters of the Empire. Having greased the good General's palm, we began our usual survey of the many and varied hooch havens that can be found in every port worldwide - not a smart thing under the circumstances!

As we careened out of a cozy little bistro called Bahtabaht Botz', we ran smack dab into Belliboi and his evil mob. Never being ones to shrink from a bit of mayhen, we proceeded to turn the dockside into you typical "Saturday Night at the Fights"! Once again Doc earned his keep by filling holes and taping up the odd broken limb.

Brains, never to be found without a bit of explosives in hand, brought things to a head by heaving several lit sticks of dynamite in Belliboi's direction. While this did put our nemesis and his thugs to flight, it also brought out several gendarmes and most of the more sober denizens of the docks.

Finding ourselves heavily outnumbered and seriously outgunned, we decided that early dawn was a perfect time to set out on our jungle expedition. The last we saw of the Fat Man and his goons, they were trying desperately to convince the local constabulary that the brouhaha was not of their doing!


Scene 5: The Jungle

After several days of hacking our way through the undergrowth, we came to a bit of a clearing in the jungle. Now our good fortune in meeting Dr. Umgooloo was to come to the fore. Unknown to us Dr U. had changed into his local duds which consisted of various bits of flora stuffed into a g-string, a horsehair whisk, and a hideously carved mask of some unlikely jungle deity!

Once Stella regained consciousness and the rest of us caught our breath, Dr. Umgooloo told us of his true identity. It seems that he was not only a famous archeologist, but also the chief of the Guardians of the Temple of Chaka-Laka etc. He had been searching in vain for evidence of the Eye of Fire when he had heard of our impending trip to the East. Our meeting on board ship had confirmed his belief that we were on a sacred mission to restore his beloved idol to completeness.

On entering the jungle clearing, we were suddenly accosted by a roving band of pygmy warriors. Luckily they caught sight of Doc Umgooloo before letting loose with a fusilade of poison darts from their 6 foot long blowguns. After a short confab, the leader of the pygmy band, Chief Neenocker, offered to lead us safely through the trails to our destination.

Only hours behind us, Belliboi and his minions were not quite so lucky. Without a native guide, they still managed to follow our trail but ran into some not so friendly natives that roughed them up very nastily. They managed to survive the encounter, but were much the worse for it and this would serve them most cruelly in our final meeting.


Scene 6: The Temple

Having parted company with the study Ankylbyter tribe, we at last came upon the gateway to the hidden temple of Chaka. Not wanting to prolong our stay, we barged ahead into the vast complex and were confronted with the huge four-headed idol which was our destination.

Unsure of how to proceed, we spread out and searched the surrounding palms and were surprised to find, hidden beneath some large fronds, the bespectacled visage of the long-lost but world-reknowned butterfly hunter, I.M. Addlepate. Being a bit on the befuddled side, Addy thought we were there to guide him back to his office at Miskatonic U. Not trusting the poor sot to make his way back on his own, we told him we were his rescue party and pursuaded him to join us on the return trek.

Further sniffing about didn't bring up any more hidden surprises, so we returned to our primary objective - the idol. As we were scouring the four faces of the temple, who should finally arrive but the Fat Man and Friends! Taking cover behind the idol, a couple of unwilling donkeys, and several glowing braziers, we began to pour lead in Belliboi's direction.

You've got to hand it to Casper and his troupe -- even in their diminished state (thanks to the local denizens) they put up a determined fusillade. Things might have actually turned in their favor had Doc not kept several sticks of his favorite explosive in his coat pocket! With a mighty heave, the dynamite flew from Doc's hand and landed dead-center of our adversary's warband. When the dust finally settled, the only thing left standing was Joel Memphis' walking stick! We tied the groggy gang to several handy palm trees and went back to our chosen task - replacing the Eye of Fire.

Sir Petey shinnied his way up to the forhead of the statue and gingerly placed the ruby back in its' place. No sooner had he inserted the jewel than the earth shook and from within the bowels of the statue came a distinctly Hollywood accent. Dust billowed from the back of the idol and who should we came face to face with but
Woodrow "Rosebud" Foster, missing movie mogul. He had been scouting locations for his next blockbuster starring Victoria VaVoom when he had become trapped in the innards of the cavernous statue!

Not exactly the denouement we had expected, but his offer of co-starring roles in the aforementioned flick was too good to pass up! And so we waved adios to poor Bellliboi and trussed-up amigos and we ambled down the jungle path to promises of untold fame and fortune in Tinseltown.

(find out what happens when the movie flops in the next stirring adventure)


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